The Wildest of All

***Photo.Heavy***

James has been on planet Earth for Four years now. He's tall. He still loves his blanket and his mother. His favorite book is Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak. He can read it to you backwards and forwards. It's almost the cutest thing he does.

So how do you celebrate FOUR whole years on this planet?

By hosting a Wild Rumpus, that's how. We did. And it was fun. And wild. Full of Kings and Queens... lots of yellow eyes... which rolled from time to time. There were claws, and the teeth gnashing. There was a ceiling that hung with vines and became the world all around...

























And THAT, my friends, is the short version. :)

We had a great day. Even though James Neal loved being The King of All Wild Things, he did return home where someone loved him best of all. And yes, his supper was waiting on him.

...And it was still hot.

Peace, love, and ribbon streamers.
xo
lmkw

What it feels like to walk out a dream...

Here I sit. Eating Reece's Pieces from a little blue Tupperware that I found. In my refrigerator. I think James put them there. They are left over from his Birthday.Grand Party. I asked him why they were in the fridge. 'Cause I'm tryin to be wisponsible. Now that I'm four.' I love his little declarations...

I just sent off a round of sneak*peeks to a client. A repeat customer. *One of my favorite of the images is pictured above...
*wow*

I'm actually doing this photography thing. I can claim it. I can be proud. I can push myself to learn... and be better.

I only have one spot available in January, and two left for February. That's... amazing. Hard for my little brain to process.

What I mean is, these opportunities- EACH opportunity solidifies the dream of me being a photographer. It also means that with each drop of my shutter, I'm actively working to fulfill my ultimate dream of adopting a child of my own. These dreams exist together, with one not ending before the next begins.

There was a time once in my life, things were cloudy. I felt disappointment. Hopelessness had taken up a place inside my heart and it made each day hard to face. Then came The Moment when everything changed. A true turning point in my life. Someone told me that this moment in my life could be compared to going on vacation when I was a kid. His words went something like: You were too small to know how to get there. Which roads to take. How to direct the car safely on the intended path. You didn't have to worry about when you were going to eat or rest. Stop or start. You trusted that your Dad would take care of all of that. He knew exactly what to do along the journey to get you safely to your destination. All you knew to ask was, 'are we there yet.' Most of the time, your Dad would tell you 'No. Just a bit further.' But then came the time when you asked, 'Are we there yet?' and he answered "Yes! Look out the window. We are here. We have arrived." You tumbled out of the car sure to enjoy the destination of vacation. You never gave a second thought to the journey that brought you there.

He went on to clarify that our life is a journey perfectly planned and directed by our Heavenly Father. We have to trust that He ultimately knows exactly what to bring into our lives, exactly when to bring it- for us to enjoy the reward of Life that comes when we surrender control to His Plan. Because His destination far outweighs any destination that can be achieved through our efforts alone.

This chapter in my life... the one where I become a photographer with a capital 'P' was in the cards all along even though I was too small to see it. What brings me even more Hope, is that my dream of adopting this child is more than a wish. It is the next stop along the route. I trust that as long as I surrender my plan, my control, my effort to Him- I will arrive safely to The Day in my life when I will wake up and put on a specifically.special outfit... have a freshly charged battery in my camera... I'll pack my purse with goodies... struggle with an anxious tummy. I'll feel Marcus' hand grab mine, clammy but sure. He will be quiet and steady. We will fidget nervously with each other. We will hold our breath and watch our daughter enter the room. Tentative but perfect. New but familiar.

Every effort. Every dollar. Every single tear spent along the way will evaporate in that instant.

I wonder if she will cry when they hand her to us? I wonder so many things about her... about her birth.mother... and about that Day...


This is my dream walking into this New Year: To grow into myself a little more each day. To take the courage to live free of fear, free of doubt. To value myself and value others- not for what they are... but for who they are... for who they are along their own journey. I want to be big enough to let people be themselves- and not pass judgement. I want to accept that people DO what they WANT to do- regardless what I think/wish/want and that's okay.

I want to be available to Encourage.
I want to be quiet enough to Listen.
I want to be bold enough to Laugh or Jump or Sing... loudly. :)
I want to be sensitive to Recognize when to Act and when to be Still.
I want to be brave enough to Stand.
I want to be hopeful enough to Dream.
I want to be present enough to Breathe Deeply and Surrender to the Moment of Now.
I want to be authentic enough that my Sons recognize their mother for the woman she is.

I can't plan this trip to get to her. I can't make it go faster. I'll trust that God's plan is perfect... and that He will hold me steady and safe as we travel. In the meantime, I will prepare myself for all the promise that is in store for me and my family.

Greetings 2010! I've been waiting for you. Let's get on with it, shall we?

Peace, love, and Orange.Yellow.and.Brown,
xo
lmkw

Today

Oh, hello there.

You've made it through the holidays, yes? Decorations put away? Ready for a fresh start in 2010?

We've made it, too. Granted, our decorations aren't put away... nor are the new toys from our mass holiday/birthday bashes. But here it is, Monday, January 4th, 2010 and I am still kickin'.

I love January. I believe that it, too, is for Lovers. I digress...

As I type, I'm actually sore and achy. Today is my first day to come up for air from Christmasing, NewYearing, Fourth.Birthdays.Celebrating. Today marks the first day that we are company free...Event and expectation free.

Even though I expend a tremendous about of personal effort during the holidays, we had a special one full of family and comfort and celebration. As expected, I always push myself beyond natural parameters during this time of year baking, cleaning, planning, creating, documenting, etc... Bottom line: I love it. Even when it's 3am for the 6th night in a row and my body aches for rest. I love having the ability to Do This. I love knowing that in my hands, head, and heart I can create something spectacular from flour and sugar... or twigs and ribbon... or onions and celery... or tulips and pine... or my eyes through the lens of my camera...

As tired as I feel right now, I won't say a single negative word about the last few whirlwind weeks. They were juuust right. *However, I fully plan on treating myself to a little January.Retreat.

I have a mountain of pics to process... and many things to share. But for now, here is a brief recap of our Holiday.Birthday.Rush.O.Rama.


Our first Christmas with theDuckling tucked into our little nest...


James' actual birthday.family.date= bowling partay and cookie cake. A first for us!

After the Wild Things had gone home from the party... our first family portrait of the new year.

Hopefully I will have time to come back and spend time filling you in on all the scrumptious details of things... because, like. They matter. :)

Plus January is beginning to woo me again. I love the promise of new years. I love new list and new goals and renewed focus. My little personality lives for such things!

I hope your year ended full and well... and I hope that 2010 dazzles you with possibility!

Peace, love, and sparkle.
xo
lmkw

Happy Birthday my Little Prince

He changed my life forever four years ago... (hours old)

He showed me the best of myself and taught me that when you Love, anything is possible. (one year)

Waking up with him every day has made me accept that life is in the details... and every day matters. (two years)

I want to be with him. Every day. Talking with him, exploring mysteries... being present. (three years)

This little boy has redefined what Purpose means to me and has given me every opportunity in the world to make the most out of This Life. (four years)

What is your wake.up call?

For me, I woke up exactly four years ago today... a promise fulfilled. I always thought I knew something... but then James came and showed me it's not about what you know, it's about what you are willing to learn.

Happy Birthday, James Neal. You are my joy, my prize. Even now with your long legs and boyish face, the new hasn't worn off. When I succeed at anything, it's in part because I'm your mom... and that fact alone makes me give the best effort I've got.

Peace, love, and filled.to.the.brim.
xo
lmkw

A Christmas Adventure

With two kids under the age of four, isn't everything an adventure?

Mostly, yes.

Today we took the boys ice skating. TheHotness' work rented out the skating rink for it's peeps and their families... so we bundled up in our matching red buffalo plaids, heated Jax a bottle, grabbed the telephoto and hit the road.

We had a great time. James was so excited to try. He is very in to ballet these past couple of weeks. I think it was the Nutcracker that did him in. That and my iPod's Christmas playlist heavy with Handel's Messiah and George Winston... *Cue.the.music* His little feet point and the pitter.patter starts. His arched arms go up, and he flits and flitters all over the house. Twirl! Spin! Dip! Leap! It's so precious that even Marcus doesn't have the heart to stop him. *I love that about theHotness... he's not 'macho.' Being a momma of boys, I pick up on that overly.macho.daddy stuff I see sometimes in other daddies. The idea of 'toughening up' little boys, frankly, makes me want to hurl. So when Marcus lets James dance in the kitchen and looks on with patient eyes, I appreciate HIM being the man my children call Daddy. He's comfortable letting them be children first, little boys second.

Anywho, James has talked about his ice.skating debut all week. He's told me all about how cold the ice would be, and that he thinks that I should be his partner. He has told me to dress in a 'pink puffy.skirt' (he means tutu) so he can 'fro (me) up in the air so i can catch you.' And as if that wasn't cute enough, he would promptly follow that declaration with 'see, like this' *jump.JUMP.grabby hands.BIG.bow* Very cute.

On our way, I asked him if he was nervous. He said, 'No, I just haff to try my best.' He asked if he was going to fall down. We jumped in, 'sure you will. You may fall down a lot. But that's a part of the fun.'

He did fall down... a lot. But as promised, he did have lots of fun.

It was a great experience. TheHotness is the Worlds.Most.Patient man, and let James skate/fall til his heart was content. I was amazed how he could navigate the rink with a 40lb toddler slip.sliding between his feet and hanging on whatever his hands could grab on his way down without falling once. We ended our adventure with big tufts of cotton candy. (And ibuprofen for Marcus... since there is a good chance he may regret this little activity in the morning.)

I love these boys. I love my life. I'm so glad that this choice led to that choice ultimately bringing me Here. So many things could have gone wrong along the way... but here I sit, utterly amazed with the life Marcus and I have created together.

Lately when things get loud... or messy... or both, like magnets searching for our poles, we inadvertently grab hands or catch each other's eyes and we can't help but grin. A little weary grin of validation. Our life is chaos. Hard work and guts mixed in with bursts of chaotic 'oh.my' moments. The combination is honestly combustible. And thankfully, most of the times we burst into laughter rather than tears- because when the dust settles, and I survey my life and how I spend my time, I'm pleased with what I see. My downy soft nest glitters with signs of Life. My sweet.Little.Three clamouring for my attention... I get to mother them. I get to claim them. I get to whisper Dreams into their ears at night as they sleep before falling into my own bed. What an absolute privilege I've been given...

I want the peace in knowing that one day, when Recollection grabs me, I can look back and find this moment in time and know that I savored every acute detail of being the mother to my Littles. They will always be mine, but they won't always be little. In fact, with every new day, they slowly change from being my moon.eyed.bebe.boys to something less familiar but equally magical. I want to be focused, present, and real... so when they look back into their own memory, they will find me here... fully invested in them. Content... wishing to be no where else in the world.

Now, on to the action shots! :)





These were taken on our way out when we were making 4ish trips back and forth between the car grabbing this hat, that hat, a snack, extra bib- you get the idea. ;)










A little less like Nutcracker on ice... but splendid fun none the less! :)

Peace, love, and spun.sugar.
xo
lmkw

...Drum.Roll Please...

As this week has shown me... there is no time like the present.

So, without further ado...

I present to you

www.mustard-seed-photography.com

Let's just look at my fancy domain name.

*looking*

Now click it!

!!!

Check it out!

I hope you love it... like I do. :)

You can contact me through the site. Just for fun, like two kids on walky.talkies in the other room, shoot me an email through my contact form so I can get all giddy! :)

*sigh*

Peace, love, and potential.
xo
lmkw

We've been good.

I hope Santa has a big ole bag... because I've got two special little boys who have been very (VERY) good all year. Rumor has it, that we may see a few of these items very soon.














We don't really do characters, movie characters, etc... not on clothes... not with toys... but I gave in on this item. James really loves video games and computer games... so this is a solid effort to claim back our iPhones.

With a few other things here and there... a refill of roll paper for the art easel, paints, books, etc, we are good to go! TheHotness and I can't wait to get on the floor and play! I've called dibs on the lite.brite! *My very favorite Christmas present ever, aside from my glow.worm. TheHotness is jonesin to set up the Marble Run... and I've already brain.stormed the pictures I plan to take with theDuckling and his giraffe teether and BlaBla dolls... And my daddy is stoked about the workbench. *His favorite toy as a kid. I hear Aunt.Carlie has set James up on All.Things.Playdough... I just can't wait to get in there with my boys and make a mess!

Parenting pretty much *rocks.* Hands down, it's the coolest thing ever. :)

peace, love, and tempra paint.
xo
lmkw