Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Shhh... I'm still here...

Oh quiet, cold little blog space... I do miss you.

Life is full, busy, and pushing me forward.
In my quiet moments, however few and far between- my body aches for sleep... or it aches to sit as close as possible to my husband's shirtless arms on the couch. He smells like bread and goodness.

So, in those moments, I sleep or sit.

I want to tell you things...
so many things.
All good things.

Will I ever have a time to properly fill in the spaces that I've left wide open? Maybe I will just move on and leave out the details of summer... Keep them to myself? That seems unusual...

But for now, know that things are well! mustard.seed.photography is living and breathing and growing and bossing me around most of my days. I love it. With all my heart. James is now in school- and he smells of paste glue and crayons. I'm so happy for my boy. I miss him. But mostly I'm happy that he runs home to me in the afternoon smelling of playgrounds and books, filled to the brim with stories. Jax is still pure joy. He dazzles me and I find myself just watching him Live. Our gift. The adoption is right on track- almost everything is in place. She's as real to us as if she were here in my arms now... and I love that tangible feeling. I've been cooking again. Painting. Sewing. Tending. Preparing.

Life if good and full of promise. I sense a feeling that our lives are about to burst open... like we are on a precipice of some sort... Maybe it's the adoption? I can't pin the feeling down. I can't quite anticipate the details. But we are knee deep in adventure right now- and I feel as if we are about to get swept over... like the swell before the wave... and I'm okay with that. I know who made the tides... so no worries here.. just Thrill. At first, that kind of Trust made me anxious inside. All pickled with worry and doubt. But now? I realize that Trust is like the sun, pressing in and stealing away the darkness and doubt... soon it will wear your little body out... until you find a still, quiet spot on the porch and curl up on the brass bed and drift away to sleep. It's a good feeling. The best?

I wonder what this feeling will amount too? Makes me daydream...

Ran across something beautiful... I wanted to share.

Off to cook dinner for my Kindreds... :)

Oh, I miss this place. Please hold the space for a bit longer... I feel the pendulum swinging the other way soon.

Peace, love, and sundried tomatoes and artichokes,