Last Night...

I woke up this morning as usual to theHotness making his way to the bathroom to get ready for work. In that instant that I opened my eyes, I realize that I had an amazing dream... a beautiful dream. I saw our daughter's face... her big brown eyes, her curled lashes, her soft dreamy hair. In my dream, I was focused on telling her to wait for us, that we were coming... and to not be afraid. I held her tight and kissed her a million times and I was overcome with emotion. She wasn't scared and she acted like she new me and loved me and felt safe with me. It was the warmest, brightest feeling ever. I told her about her brothers and how silly they were and how devoted they will be when she comes home. I told her about Jax's easy laugh and James' tender heart. I told her about her daddy... that he was calm and strong and good. I wrapped my arms around her and told her that her daddy's hug felt one.hundred.times better... and that with him around, nothing would ever hurt her. Ever. I told her that he makes our dreams come true and will make hers too.

In my dream, I started to feel the haste that our time together was nearly over. I took her tiny hand... all five fingers and I spread them out over my hand. I held it to my heart and told her about me. I told her that nothing would stop me from getting to her. I told her that I'm not a perfect person... or perfect mother... but I've never been scared of Effort or a Challenge or Hard Work. I told her that if she would trust me, I would devote the rest of my life to raising her up in Love and in Truth. I looked into her brown eyes above her button nose and told her that her dreams would be my dreams and heart would be my heart. I told her that I promise to respect her heritage and the woman that gave the ultimate sacrifice to place her into our nest. I promised to come back and DO something to keep these children safe, these woman safe. I promised to be honest with her... to not raise her separate or apart from her culture... I promised to try with all my heart to raise her as best I can. I asked her to trust me. To wait for me.

Then a beautiful lady dressed in a beautiful, simple gown came and took her from me. I crumbled. Not in fear... I had great peace. I crumbled at the physical separation and reality that we have a long road ahead of us. I love her so much. I'm bonded to a child I've never met or seen. But this dream was a gift to me.

My friend posted this today on her FB page. It spoke to my heart.

"Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise... He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises." Romans 4:20-21

I am fully convinced that God has promised this for our family... for this little girl. In this promise comes great emotion. For this child to be promised to us, she will have to come into this world amid great strife and struggle. She will have to be loved, nurtured, and given up by her birth mother... not because she was ever unwanted... but because of extreme poverty... because of lack of resources and development- things that shouldn't exist in our world. Things that can and should and will be changed. I'm so little. So very very small. But inside me lives a Mighty.Force. And I know that my heart is His heart... and that paired with a little Boldness, is all we really need. In my dream, I pledged myself to this child to do everything in my power to bring about a change in this orphan crisis in Ethiopia and around the world...

And in that promise, I will not waiver.



peace, love, and Promises.
xo
lmkw

Happy NewYear: The beginning of a journey...

Hi friends!

Today is the first day 'back.to.normal.' You see, 4 days ago we started a new year... Year 2011... the year We've Been Waiting For!!! I've been waiting for this moment for more than a year... remember way back to November of 2009? Feels like forever ago.

This year marks a big step in our little family. As anticipated, we are growing our family! We will be adding to our little nest through the miracle of adoption. The anatomy of our family will be forever changed and we could not be happier!


All the way across the world there is a little girl... we don't know who she is. We don't know her face, her age, or anything about her at all... other than the fact that circumstances will bring us together as a family. All we can do is trust God to make our paths meet. All we can do is to take one step forward, in faith, trusting that eventually we will find our feet on African soil making their way to ourGirl.

The specifics?

We have filed for adoption of a bebe-2yo little girl in Ethiopia... Our agency is Illien Adoptions International. We expect this process to take anywhere from 12 to 18 months. Yes, it will be expensive. Yes, it will be an emotional trial. Yes, there are many many unknowns out there that have/have yet/and will present themselves to us on this journey--- BUT we feel without a shadow of a doubt, that our family is meant to reach out into this world and bring an orphan home. In adoption (or even pregnancy) we can't control everything... at some point you have to let go of the illusion of control and step out in Faith, trusting God's will in our lives. We trust that our Heavenly Father will meet us there and carry us to her and her to us. He will make a way for us both.... It's an unlikely story of Love. But 'unlikely' is our God's specialty. So we look forward down this path with eyes lifted!

This image is taken from our agency's site... they have amazing images there. :)

So basically I'm staring this year in the face and wondering about many things:

Will we be moving this year? Will we move back to Texas? Will it be (crossing our fingers) overseas? Will we be parents of three by 2012? Will the adoptions be short and easy? Long and difficult? Are we sticking around in BatonRouge for another year or three? What will me turning 30 feel like? Should I let mustard.seed.photography grow with wild abandon adding more photographers, editors, and a studio space? Should I keep it small and neat and maintain my position as a niche indie.photographer? Will I feel this new bebe sleep on my chest... feeling her hot little breath on my neck? Or is that further away? Will the boys become world travelers this year with hours packed away on airplanes... walking the streets of new places, learning new customs, making new friends?

At this point, Jan. 4th, 2011- I have no idea of the answers. And my personality lends itself to being a little impatient... wanting to control mostly everything. BUT when I look over my list of uncertainties, it's obvious that no matter how these questions are answered, we are living an abundantly blessed life. I'm not sure what the Big Picture of 2011 will be... but I'm completely certain that God will be there in the details, hand tailoring exactly what we need. Today I am at peace! And I'm hoping that tomorrow I will wake up with the same peace... but if not, I'll choose to center myself around the things in my life that are unchanging.

Good things are on the horizon! I don't want to miss today by waiting on tomorrow... So YOU! 2011? Don't even try to come at me all loomy and up.in.the.air! That may would have worked in 2010 or something- but not now, Sucker. Dude, I'm almost THIRTY- which means I've got this thing.

In the meantime, I plan on choosing joy everyday and wait for all these questions to reveal their answers. But between you and me? I'd like to be overseas, with a bebe, that comes to us rather quickly and painlessly, with happy/healthy/growing boys experiencing a different culture... annnnnnd i'd like to find myself in a moment where I'm walking down a market street, with my bebeGirl wrapped around me, sleeping soundly, the top of her head smelling like Heaven. My boys holding my hands walking beside me taking in all that they see... with Marcus' keeping us all safe in his stride. It certainly would take many minor.miracles to piece this little dream together this year- but it is certainly possible. SO I'll think on it while I fold clothes and tend my men. :)

For now, we will be focusing on some up coming job news, our home study, some exciting fund.raising opportunities, James' spring Pre.School semester, and a very full winter/spring mustard.seed schedule!

To keep my heart busy, I'm on a quest to find some amazing Africa/Ethiopia/Adoption art prints/jewelry. I'm currently obsessed with filling our nest with it's image. Because after all, this country (and more specifically a Community, a Family, a Woman) will give us the most Precious Resource it has... and I want to be reminded of this everyday. :) So let me know if you have a favorite resource!

source here! *This was made by an expectant dad to his wife as they awaited the arrival of their sweet son... It makes me cry when I see it. It's amazing. Annnnnd I think I'd die if I could have my own print...

***And it can't go without saying, THANK YOU to all that have followed my story, my work, and my little family... Your encouragement has gone a long way and I'm grateful for your time and sentiments. Please keep up with this journey! We will need the company!! ;)

peace, love, and notarized paperwork trails.
xo
lmkw

You've got to start somewhere!

My original plan was to keep this under wraps for the better part of a year. I mean, lots can happen in a year. However, this weekend has really been amazing... and I'm beginning to think that this isn't as intimidating as I thought it was just six weeks ago.

I've re.worked our game plan and have decided to share this tid.bit here as I play with the pencils. Why?

Because:
1. The more I mention it to friends and family, the more really valuable information comes our way. And y'all knowing me like you do- I'm the research queen. I eat that stuff for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! :) The more I run my mouth, the more valuable help we are receiving!

2. Google searching can only bring us so far- this process needs a personal touch. I need to network with other families who have been where we are right now... to encourage us on this journey.

3. I covet your prayers!!! (!!!)

4. I can't keep a secret to save my life. Especially when it means this much to me. :)

***To many many of you- this will not be 'news' to you.

Here goes:
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ready?
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For the next handful of months, Marcus and I are committing ourselves through prayer to seek God's will in our lives to pursue International Adoption. !!! Right? :)

Why?

*It has always been an embraced idea when we considered the anatomy of our family.
*Those of you that knew me as a girl, know it has always been a part of my heart.
*With the birth of Jackson, God has transformed our view on family. Raising our boys makes us crazy happy... even in the toughest times, we are just short of delirious. Well, basically. :) Our love is big... there is more to our family. We can feel it.
*Jackson has shown us that our family is definitely bigger than two.
*All children are gifts from God. All of them. God willing, I plan on mothering the mother.less.

(there are at least a hundred other reasons... but you get the drift.)

When?

Well, right now, we are prayerfully seeking God's will in this. Just in the past three days, 3 new 'doors' have been open to us in this process. No suprise there, right? We plan on enjoying Jackson's first year on this planet without the 'urgency' of navigating the paper.trail. During that time, we plan on continuing our networking, education, planning, and praying. God willing, that will bring us to officially applying this time next year, give or take.

The basics?
As of now, we are considering Ethiopia and Taiwan. But we are still open to educating ourselves about all the options...




So that's that!

***If you yourself have navigated the adoption process to bring your child home, please let me know. If you know someone you can 'link' me up to that has built their families through adoption, please let me know. PLEASE! If anything is clear so far- this takes TIME... a true test of patience. My profile will lead you to my email address, or just comment here. *Thanks in advance.

*And for my friends who have spoken up with support and advice, thank you SO much. Y'all give me so much courage. :)

Peace, love, and Journeys.
xo
lmkw