Last Night...

I woke up this morning as usual to theHotness making his way to the bathroom to get ready for work. In that instant that I opened my eyes, I realize that I had an amazing dream... a beautiful dream. I saw our daughter's face... her big brown eyes, her curled lashes, her soft dreamy hair. In my dream, I was focused on telling her to wait for us, that we were coming... and to not be afraid. I held her tight and kissed her a million times and I was overcome with emotion. She wasn't scared and she acted like she new me and loved me and felt safe with me. It was the warmest, brightest feeling ever. I told her about her brothers and how silly they were and how devoted they will be when she comes home. I told her about Jax's easy laugh and James' tender heart. I told her about her daddy... that he was calm and strong and good. I wrapped my arms around her and told her that her daddy's hug felt one.hundred.times better... and that with him around, nothing would ever hurt her. Ever. I told her that he makes our dreams come true and will make hers too.

In my dream, I started to feel the haste that our time together was nearly over. I took her tiny hand... all five fingers and I spread them out over my hand. I held it to my heart and told her about me. I told her that nothing would stop me from getting to her. I told her that I'm not a perfect person... or perfect mother... but I've never been scared of Effort or a Challenge or Hard Work. I told her that if she would trust me, I would devote the rest of my life to raising her up in Love and in Truth. I looked into her brown eyes above her button nose and told her that her dreams would be my dreams and heart would be my heart. I told her that I promise to respect her heritage and the woman that gave the ultimate sacrifice to place her into our nest. I promised to come back and DO something to keep these children safe, these woman safe. I promised to be honest with her... to not raise her separate or apart from her culture... I promised to try with all my heart to raise her as best I can. I asked her to trust me. To wait for me.

Then a beautiful lady dressed in a beautiful, simple gown came and took her from me. I crumbled. Not in fear... I had great peace. I crumbled at the physical separation and reality that we have a long road ahead of us. I love her so much. I'm bonded to a child I've never met or seen. But this dream was a gift to me.

My friend posted this today on her FB page. It spoke to my heart.

"Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise... He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises." Romans 4:20-21

I am fully convinced that God has promised this for our family... for this little girl. In this promise comes great emotion. For this child to be promised to us, she will have to come into this world amid great strife and struggle. She will have to be loved, nurtured, and given up by her birth mother... not because she was ever unwanted... but because of extreme poverty... because of lack of resources and development- things that shouldn't exist in our world. Things that can and should and will be changed. I'm so little. So very very small. But inside me lives a Mighty.Force. And I know that my heart is His heart... and that paired with a little Boldness, is all we really need. In my dream, I pledged myself to this child to do everything in my power to bring about a change in this orphan crisis in Ethiopia and around the world...

And in that promise, I will not waiver.



peace, love, and Promises.
xo
lmkw