Good morning friends! James Neal slept until 10:19 am this morning... what a good boy! I hope Santa was watching that. If I were him, I'd let him trade the squeezing of the toothpaste incident (into the sink) with this morning of sleeping in. As I type, James is cooking breakfast for all of us--- toast--- he's a masterful toaster of things... and his Daddy is pouring up my coffee. *sigh*
Today marks theHotness' first day of his winter holiday... over two weeks ahead of us before starting a new year of work!!! (i.love.this.part.of.the.year) "Starting a new year"... that phrase seems so odd to me. This year is already over! I can't hardly grasp that. 2008 was a great year for us and marked some huge milestones for me personally, and our tiny family. Although it went rather quickly, I'm so thankful for all the blessings that were ushered in during this year.... 2008... I'll never forget this year.
Now, on to the real reason for the post: As my Carmen said- I'M HALF WAY THROUGH this pregnancy! In fact, if she hadn't had reminded me, I may have overlooked it all together! On Saturday, I will be well on my way to the other half of this pregnancy- but for now I sit back, reflect, and give thanks for what this milestone means to me. I overcame that awful morning gradeau. I successfully maintained the pregnancy through the first trimester- *which is huge*. My weight gain has been spot on target! And we've gotten a look at our growing and healthy bebe boy.
I've always said that pregnancy... and especially motherhood had a profound effect on me as an individual woman- and as a child of God. I thought I knew Grace, Mercy, Faith, Justice... I thought I had grasped all of those concepts before becoming a mother. I mean, I've been a Christian for nearly two decades... surely I understood those principals? I thought I knew what forgiveness meant... and the way God's love is manifested for us... but it wasn't until I held my own child and began to raise him, that my Faith was redefined and reaffirmed. God showed up in the most unlikely places, everyday. I never felt alone during that first year... still don't, really. Because my Savior's presence seems to be every where in this journey with us. I can't describe the ultimate comfort that I receive from that affirmation.
If God knows anything about me... which He does... even the number of hairs on my (impecably.colored.cut.and.styled ;o) head- He knows I really enjoy being 'the student.' He shows up and teaches me daily... and I dig His style. Totally rocks the behavior management side of it... models by example, has clear and concise consequences, is a masterful scaffolder- ole Lev Vygotsky and Bruner would really be impressed... totally rocks the idea of teacher lead to gradual student lead involvement... He does it first, then slowly backs off to let me take the lead. He's so good at understanding *Zone of Proximal Development* (que angels singing), you can hardly give Lev and Piaget any credit at all! AND God focuses on high quality feedback- Gets me everytime! I'm telling you. The guy can teach! ;) And I'm always ready and willing to learn... it's my nature.
(***Forgive the education.speak... it even annoyed my teacher.peeps... I'm the one they made fun of... that's okay though. I had better hair... and straight A's ;) ***)
Now, I'm on to chunky.Whitty.numero.two- or as he's better known now as, Jackson... or bebe.Jax. I thought that the second child will have lost it's luster because James took the spotlight of 'first' but that's another assumption I was dead wrong about. This little one is taken in stride. His momma stands taller, and is more confident than she was at this point with his brother. She's wiser now. Kinder now. She knows exactly who she is.
*When James came along, although I was proud.as.punch about my son, husband, and place in my life... I still felt like I had something to prove. Partly because I was still working towards my degree. But mostly because there are so many unanswered questions when you have your first child: will she finish her degree? will she lose the bebe.weight? will she take to motherhood? will she like being a mom? will she 'grow up' and stop wearing those heels and mini.skirts? will she lose her personality? will she get old too quickly? will she still cook and entertain like she use to? can she do it all: house, bebe, husband, school? is she too young (25)?
Those unanswered questions burned in me... and I felt the eyes of my family and friends watching as those questions were more or less answered. I fought hard to gain my identity back after having James. Yes, I am a mother now- and that makes me forever different (thank goodness) but I'm still have the same essence I have always had... well, that and I still wear mini-skirts and high heels. But I'm better now because of this life... and I wouldn't take back a thing from my previous.no.bebe.life except maybe I would have stalled on the navel.ring idea.
Now, I'm not swimming in that sea of questions. No anxiety for me. When this bebe.boy kicks and rolls around inside of me, I grin knowing that this experience we will have together will be completely different than the one I had with James. He'll stare up at my face for the first time and see a different woman... her eyes just as happy, just as hopeful, but he'll see a peace in me that will be new. To tell you the truth, I can't wait to have him in my arms. At first, I wondered if I have room to love two? Can we do it? But sitting here 20 weeks later, I couldn't imagine our life without this bebe.boy. We've always been ready. And now we are waiting for him to come and complete what we've started.
*I'm so grateful to be here, right now, in this moment*
In other related news: My belly is 'blossoming.' I have this little hard tum.tum that is quite obvious. I'm pleased with it. My pregnancy is now resembling James'. I'm carrying low.low.low. I've got heartburn starting around 7:30pm. My feet are beginning to ache at the end of the day. I'm still not eating (as much) like I did with James Neal... and I still forget that I'm pregnant most of the time... but three days ago I did make myself a peanut.butter.jelly.and banana sandwich with a side of raisins! And if that's not pregnancy talking, I don't know what it is!
I have fallen in love with this bebe... I have. I did around this point with James Neal. I feel bonded and ready for this pregnancy thing to be over- so I can meet my son. However, I have really fallen in.like with this pregnancy. I didn't really enjoy my pregnancy with James... mostly because I'm a worker- and not a sit.around.and.wait kinda person. BUT this time around, I'm falling in.like--- soon to be in.love with this pregnancy. I'm rockin it. And that makes me happy.
***Maybe it's because of Christmas- which will always be a special time for me bc James was born at Christmas... but I'm beginning to get increasingly attached to James' old nursery theme of Vintage Cowboy. I can't bare to part with some of his things! We didn't go to Bebes.R.Us and load up on a particular nursery theme. No, I searched high and low from antique stores to online boutiques, to local boutiques to gather up his things... original signed art pieces custom framed... commissioned furniture, etc. AND I refuse to sell some of those pieces... but I can't imagine keeping it forever... so maybe I should raise up two.cowboys. Circle W Ranch. Keep the cowboy theme but put a fresh bebe.jax spin to it. I could still incorporate the Space/Starship/Robot theme into bebe.Jax personal style and things... but keep his nursery cowboy. I'm not sure... I just am overly nostalgic now- and can't seem to fall in love with the space idea as much as I did with how I the vintage cowboy.
BREATH: I still have some time.
However, with the start of this new year, my focus will turn this this bebe.boy. I can't wait to shift my holiday gears in to gettin.ready.for.bebe.jax gear! And I won't have too much time, either. He'll be here at the end of April, start of May! So basically, I have three safe months to get things done. I can't wait.
***Now, that my MarcusHotness is home for the holidays, I'll be taking some family pics. Stay tuned for those. Oh, and holiday decorating is COMPLETE! I repeat: Holiday Decor COMPLETE. Now, on to holiday baking!!!
***Thanks for all the interest in the bebe survey. Keep those votes comin in! And thanks for the emails and comments of support through my blogging... It still shocks me how complete strangers will take the time to read, reflect, and send a kind word my way. It may seem small, and hardly worth the time- but let.me.tell.you, you taking the time to spread a little bit of yourself someone else's way is really special. So, thanks again.
Peace, love, and pepcid AC,
xo
lmkw
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