Anticipation

This is just a quick entry to log away some recent feelings I've been having. One of those things that if I don't sit down right now and express them, they will get lost in the daily grind of the to.do.list. So here I am for the next few minutes!

I've been thinking a lot about this new bebe coming. It's been moving around so much lately, especially in the evenings and late at night when I get still in bed. We go to out MFM dr. on Tuesday and will most probably find out the gender in their ultrasound. At first I thought it would be a girl.bebe because of the stark differences in my pregnancy. Now, I'm convinced it's a boy.bebe. I guess only a few more days of not knowing.

James has been pretty adorable with bebe.Cake this week. He's so suited to be a big brother. His kind nature and gentleness is really incredible. I can't wait to introduce him to his brother or sister... and watch that special relationship grow over the years. After James was born, I assumed that each subsequent bebe would lose it's 'new.experience' luster. But it hasn't. Everything is different now... I'm already a mother. And I feel like I am really good at the job, too. I've already grown from a selfish girl to a more rounded, wise(er) woman who knows how to nuture and instill confidence, character, and values into my child (family). I'm not worried about my body failing me... or gaining weight... or never losing the bebe weight... or losing my style altogether. I worried about that when pregnant with James. Now I realize that I did just fine, and will do fine again.

I'm also getting really exciting about nursing again. For those of you who know the intense feeling of satisfaction and intimacy that comes when nursing your bebe- you know what I mean. I can't wait to have a soft bebe in my arms, nuzzled against me... that soft little head... those sweet smells and that sweet 'clicking' sound that comes with each breath and swallow. I can't wait to feel that closeness and accomplishment again.

And lastly, I can't wait to see a bebe in MarcusHotness' arms again. He's simply the best Daddy. As made for motherhood that I feel I am, he's the male equivalent. He was made to be a daddy. Kind, gentle, patient, and unselfish to a fault. I can remember the days before James started crawling that he'd call home from work and tell me that all he wanted to do in the afternoon is to hold his bebe all night. From the day James was born- he woke up with him every single night (except one)... still does. Even when I nursed, he would wake up and sit next to me and rub his head, change him, get me water, etc. He's selfless. There isn't a job that I do with James that he considers 'my' responsibility. We are totally equal there. He wants this new bebe so badly... I can't wait for him to meet his new son... or daughter.

We are in a good place now. I'm so grateful for God's timing and grace. When I sit and think about where I am in my life and where I've come from... and even where we are going- I can't help but become overwhelmed with appreciation to my Creator and Savior. The fact He loves us so much still boggles my mind! I'm sure it always will...

That's all for now! Thanks for reading!!!
Peace, love, and hot baths,
xo
lmkw