Parenthood is about stages and phases. Or at least for me it is. As soon as I get cozy in one phase of life, time has a way of pushing me forward forcing change... forcing growth.
We registered James Neal for PreK this past week. I know. It shouldn't be a big deal. Tons of kids are in daycare. Lots of kids are in 'pre'school at age 2 or 3. I'm a early childhood reading teacher turned SAHM--- so James learned at home. With me. But now, it's time for him to get a full year of preschool under his belt before taking on the brave.new.world of kindergarten.
I wanted a good reputable half.day program. Something that would have him home around noon or something... but after much deliberate research and consideration- my area doesn't have a half.day program that is *ahem* up to my standards. That sounds terrible, right? No. Maybe not. Other than God and Family- Education is the most important thing in our house... So whatever it takes. Which means, we enrolled him in the best program available to us in our area- and that program is a full day program. :( I was digging around the school's website last night, like a mommy.stalker- and I just came undone. I'm not ready for this. The idea of my boy being away from me... for the bulk of his day... being taught by someone else- is almost too much to bear. BUT bear it I must. Because that's what parents do. They abandon themselves and their own selfish desires to give their kid every opportunity to succeed in life. And if that means pretending to be happy about it, then okay. Fine. I'll smile. James is over.the.moon excited about going to school... so we are going to give this a shot.
In four weeks, theDuckling turns One Years Old. What? It's hard for me to make sense of that. I can remember being pregnant with him at Easter. I can remember his first smile... the day he found his feet. The day I found him sucking on his big toe. Now he's standing by himself... can say a handful of things... knows what he wants. He's my bebe. Everyday he's learning something new and growing up. If his first year went by this fast- how long before he starts preK?
So here are some numbers for you?
5 months until James starts 'school.'
4 weeks until Jax turns 1.
2 months til I celebrate my 29th birthday.
2 weeks until James plays his first Tball game.
9 months until James is 5 years old.
The good news? *It's all good news really- I know... it just has a way of making my nose tingle and eyes tear up a bit... But the more time passes, the closer we are to filing for adoption of our girl.bebe. And that makes my heart leap for joy... I just don't want to anticipate the future so much that I overlook today.
You know?
I love my kids. I love motherhood. I've never felt more alive or more Purpose in my life... I was made to be a mother. Even though it's hard to parent them day in and day out- loving them is easy. I am forever grateful to have the opportunity to stay at home with them... keeping the out of daycare and being their First Teacher. It's always been my goal to be able to stay at home with my kids- but the fact that theHotness feels the same way, makes it so much nicer. To have him value this job to such an extent, gives me the ability to give this brief time in our lives all I've got. And for that- I think I'll love him forever...
So sweet readers, that's it. I feel flimsy with all this change going on around here. I'm grateful to have so much to hang on to... but I know that being the best parent I can be for my boys means sucking all this Smother.Mother up... and smile as we plan 1st birthdays and talk backpacks. I'll pretend if it gives them confidence. I'll smile if it allows them to dream without holding back.
But I won't like it. Today anyways. Maybe tomorrow. But for today, I'm going to wish for a pause button.
*all the pics in this post are from the past few months... random iphone pics of the little joys that I find every day.
Peace, love, and lumpy.throats.
xo
lmkw
4 comments:
Lumpy throats for sure! First day of school pics will make you tear up every time you see them. They look so happy yet nervous. And oh so innocent! James is gonna ROCK that school!
Jackson turning ONE? Nah, not yet. I'm not ready. ♥
I was so NOT ready for Victoria to go to 1st grade ... even though she had been in preschool.
She went off with a huge grin on her face - I, however, cried all the way home.
Sweet post.
Geez Lindsey thanks for the cry this morning. Lumpy throats is right! I was watching the new Parenthood show the other night where the girl brings her 1st boyfriend home to meet her dad, and all I could see was Addison and Erik standing there. I cried like a baby. Hell - it could be one of your boys she's bringing home! My heart aches.... I miss my 4 lb baby. But I just adore by 19 lb toddler!
I totally hear you- and it's totally normal! Elodie did a half day preschool last year and I remember feeling the same way. Then you find a new normal and you can't imagine them NOT in school! All of it's an adjustment...if it gets to be too much just think that I have a kindergartener who keeps reminding me that she is almost in 1st grade! They just don't want to slow down!
I love all your post- you have a great style of writing and I enjoy so much reading your thoughts- I wish we lived closer!
Post a Comment