It was hard to greet this Easter holiday without drawing an immediate comparison to where we were this time last year. Or, where I was this time last year.
I was about two weeks from delivering my second child, theDuckling. My belly was swollen with the promise of a big, healthy boy.child. I grappled at finding ways to look presentable and ways to feel feminine. As a woman who has carried two bebies to term, there comes a time in a pregnancy where a clear line is drawn. It's a tangible line in the sand where pregnancy takes over- and you just have to let.well.enough.be and surrender yourself to the spectacle that is Motherhood. That's all there is to it. Forget those chipped toe.nails. The untameable cleavage. The strutted.swayed.back posture that defies the shear force of gravity.
In a year, so much has changed. Little things. Bigger things. Things that didn't matter at all... So much change. Changes that hurt a little. Changes that I didn't even noticed happened at all.
And here I am sitting on top of nearly an entire year. My little nest has orbited the sun nearly one complete year. So, it's only natural to look back and dive into reflection.
I'm glad I've traded in my body from something that resembled a pot.belly.minnow to something more trim and neatly kept. Though I do miss the boobs a little. But I gladly traded in the double.chin for my pre.preggers bra size.
But more than the obvious, I'm glad that Life pushed our little family into Change.
TheDuckling has made me a better mother. He's made James into a brother. And he's added another layer of value to Marcus' daily efforts and motivation. I've learned the give and take that comes with multiple children and believe that moderation, in any amount, is a good thing for me. I'm an over.the.edger... tip.of.the.topper... almost.too.mucher. So that's good. I've come to value myself more as a mother- now having to raise another little individual human being while keeping the ship afloat. AND I'm intensely secure with the vision I have for my life and my family's. He's added a whole new facet to this life that I never even knew could exist.
That's not to say that I haven't had my 'sick.and.tired' moments... or pity.parties in grand scale. Because, you know, I've got more chicks in my basket this time around- to keep out of toilets, and limbs lotioned, and wind.pipes free and clear of obstructions, etc. All in a days work, right?
But it all boils down to this: the holidays that find me on the floor surrounded by the most spectacular creatures I've ever seen. Ones that look like us. Talk like us. Smell like us. Taking joy in the simplest things on Earth in the most relevant and authentic way possible... by presenting those opportunities for the first time to your kids- and then stepping back to marvel in it all.
So much of what I thought I would ever want in life has been made irrelevant by the privilege of motherhood.
Last year I could only guess at where a year would bring us... and now looking back, it's nice to know that the hardest things during that 'first year of life' could throw at you are in the past. A whole years worth of effort, grit, sacrifice and consistency are behind us... with a lifetime of possibilities ahead. Sure more effort lies ahead- but that's the guarantee with kids. No matter what effort or how much effort you give out, more pleasure than can be measured is returned back to you.
There are lots of things in this life that I don't have or haven't accomplished yet... (or maybe ever). But I'm pretty sure what I do have points directly to God's Love.Abundant in my little place in on this earth. And for that, I'm glad I was given the opportunity to receive it.
Peace, love, and azaleas.
xo
lmkw
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