Equal Time

As of tomorrow, January 23rd, I will have eclipsed the 9 month mark. Not of pregnancy, but 9 months of raising my youngest and newest boy.joy. Nine full months.

It's a neat milestone to reach. One being because it took me right about nine months go grow an entire human being... one with all working parts... one with big moon eyes... an exceptional creature.

I can remember the beginning of his conception... we had barely moved in to our new home here in LA. I was still living off the adrenaline of the move and the new possibilities. The homesickness for Texas hadn't sunk in yet. We new we wanted to try to get pregnant right away. Or 'as soon as I find our towels' I would say. I wanted this bebe so badly. I had finished my degree. No one was telling me what I should or shouldn't accomplish. I was my own boss. And I knew that I wanted another child. It was time.

Between the boxes and hurricanes, I became pregnant. Of course I took the earliest test possible. Who waits anymore? I was going to wait until the next day to test... the morning. Because that's what you are suppose to do- wait until morning. But my best friend bullied me into testing mid.day... right there... on the phone with her. She fussed and fussed until Marcus went out into the storm to grab a box of tests. And then it happened. A little pink line appeared as expected... and then another- the tale tale sign that I was, in fact, pregnant. Right there in our new bathroom... me, theHotness, and Moon via phone were all gathered around when the line appeared. Our excitement wasn't enough proof for Moon- so I had to send over a picture on the spot- so she could see it for herself. We cried.

It was a good day. My body was gifted with the greatest task it's ever known... again. I vowed then and there to enjoy this pregnancy. James was proof that my body could care and grow a healthy child... the miscarriage was far behind me. I could do this. No worries.

I did. Day in and out for nine.ish months. Another whopper.child... enough to scare my high.risk docs in to thinking he could eclipse the 10lb mark. So two weeks early, I was induced... a wonderful delivery... a few twist and turns. One very different than mine with James Neal. My joy quickly turned to fear when we thought he had broken his collarbone... and he was having trouble breathing. But God is good, and my bebe.boy transitioned just as he should over the next few hours. No broken bones... no breathing problems. Such intense gratefulness.

He has changed us, this one. He is our absolute shining.joy. Easy. Funny. Calm. James believes that he is the greatest thing around... and we agree. We feel lucky everyday to wake up and find him tucked in our nest.

Jax threatens every garden around... he is on the verge of eating us out of house and home. Since I make his bebe.food from fresh produce- I've been known to wipe out a whole display of broccoli. He eats sweet potatoes, squash, carrots, broccoli, peas... and his newest favorite is cauliflower. He think peas are dreadful and won't budge on the subject. He can pick soft steamed goodies up with his little fat fingers and shovels it into his juicy, drooly mouth. He signs for Milk and More... and is learning new ones. No teeth yet, although he's got three on the very verge. He can say, Momma and Dadda... and is crawling around all over the place. He ends up pretty much wherever he wants to go. James is the best part of his day.


For the past two mornings, while Marcus is getting ready for work- he's crawled from the living room to my side of the bed to wake me up. Of course, that was after turning over the laundry basket and chewing on the handle for a spell.


I'm a mom. Two times over. It's the hardest thing ever- but less scary with each day done. I'm figuring out every day how to bring out the best in them and not lose myself in the process. It's a challenge. But the payoff is greater than anything I've experienced so far. One of my biggest fears when I became pregnant with James was the idea of 'losing myself.' My figure. My style. My sense of fun. My hobbies. My sensuality. I was so concerned that I'd lose it all... and be replaced with something Lack.Luster. Just like that- gone. And the crazy thing is- I didn't lose a thing... other than my misguided sense of purpose. I became something more valuable. I feel prettier. More capable. I love deeper. I don't waste my time. I have boundaries. I respect those boundaries! I find joy in the details. I celebrate the small things. For the first time in my life, when I see myself in the mirror, I value what I see...

For the first time in my life, the grass really isn't greener. And thank God for it... because the laundry never really is done. And you are always needed by someone in some way. And there is always the threat of catastrophe around every corner- markers. milk. ingested plastic crochet.stitch.markers. So why does my cup feel so friggin full? Because I'm free. I know my job. My role. I don't measure myself against anyone else. I do the simplest things and get the most intense and complex reward. No time is wasted. I invest the best of myself into the people that mean to most to me. No dead.ends. No frivolous effort. No created drama. Each day matters and I feel a part of something truly Great.

Tell me, what other experience could teach you so much in Nine Months? Or in Four years Nine Months? Incredible this journey...

Besides, there isnt' anything better to wake up to than this face? This life?



Peace, love, and morning.time.
xo
lmkw